you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
