i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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