evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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