i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
