I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
