I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
