We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
