It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
