if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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