How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Buhtt sex?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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