Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
