Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
