I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
