Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
