i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
