you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
