Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
