Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
