So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
