saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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