just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
