Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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