well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my sisters under your porch take her home
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
