I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
