On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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