Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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