trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
