Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
