Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
