you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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