I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
