Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
