The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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