maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
