No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
