We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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