over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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