i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
