oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
