chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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