um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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