You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
