dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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