enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
