The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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