I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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