Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
