Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the liver wants what the liver wants
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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