so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
