I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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