Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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