So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
