Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
