I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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