dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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