he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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