life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
