Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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