you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
