what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
