Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
