OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
