I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
