Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I AM VODKA MAN
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
