i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
