Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
