So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
