she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
